Grab The Meic: I’ve Never Had Sex

This week we are running a special relationship campaign on Meic. This is just one of a few articles published on the subject this week. Take a look at the news section for more.

A young student is worried about being the only virgin in Uni and feels pressure to lose their virginity before then. They grabbed the Meic to ask advice:

Dear Meic,

I’m the only one in my group who is still a virgin. All my friends and me are going off to university this year, and every time we hang out, everyone keeps talking about sex and exchanging stories. I’ve never done anything sexual with anyone, so I never have anything to say and I feel really left out. They even play drinking games based around it, so they all get really drunk and I’m always really sober.

I’ve always wanted to save my virginity for someone special, but I’ve never even been in a relationship. I’m starting to think I’m weird. Plus, everyone keeps saying that you don’t want to be a virgin when you go to Uni. Time is running out, what do I do?

Meic’s Advice

Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch with us about this issue; it’s one that many young people struggle with.

There’s such a lot of peer pressure for young people to become sexually active, often before they feel ready to begin having sex. Added to that, the media portray young people having sex as a social norm, yet this is certainly not the case for all young people.

Is it true?

You say that your friends keep talking about sex and exchanging stories, it’s possible that some of this is bravado and not actually true. It’s quite common for young people to exaggerate or lie about having had sex. Some of your friends might even feel similarly to you, but lack the confidence to say this.

It sounds to me like you’ve given a lot of thought to when you feel you might be ready to have sex, and that you have always wanted to wait until you meet someone special.  You said also that you think you might be weird because you haven’t yet had a relationship, but this seems to fit in with your wish to meet someone special before committing yourself to a relationship.

You’re clearly an independent thinker, with a strong sense of what you want and don’t want, and that’s really positive! You are much more likely to have a pleasurable experience of sex if you aren’t under any pressure and are completely comfortable with your choice.

Do something else

You mentioned that all your friends talk about sex when you meet up. Do you have any friends who might feel similarly to you, or who don’t spend the whole time talking about sex? If you do, you might want to think about spending time with them, as this would help to reduce the pressure on you. You could also think about pursuing other interests you may have such as sports, or even do some volunteering before you go to university.

Further information

Take a look at the following links for further information:

Brook is a service with sexual health and wellbeing information for under 25’s. Their information section has sections on Sex, Contraception, STI’s, Relationships, Pregnancy, Gender, Health & Wellbeing, Abuse & Violence and My Body

The Women’s and Children’s Health Network website has a Young Adult Health section with lots of topics including Pressure to have sex.

We hope this advice helps you make the right decision for you. All the best in University when you go.

Call Meic

If you want help or advice about relationships, or if there’s anything else worrying you, then you can call Meic and speak to a friendly advisor. 

Meic is an information and advocacy helpline for children and young people aged 0-25 in Wales. We are open 8am to midnight, 7 days a week. You can contact us free on the phone (080880 23456), text message (84001) or online chat.