What are the five love languages?
Dr Gary Chapman first introduced the concept of love languages in 1992. The principle is simple, everyone has a preferred method of expressing and receiving love. While this concept is frequently applied to romantic relationships, it is equally relevant to friendships, family, and self-love.
Why do they matter?
The concept of love languages was comes from Dr Chapman’s work as a couples counsellor. He realised that many of the couples he helped misunderstood each others needs. By understanding what your love language is and the people you care about, you can communicate and better understand each other. This makes it easier to build more fulfilling and meaningful relationships. There are many easy online quizzes you can take to find out what your love language is. These quizzes are not totally scientifically accurate but they can be helpful if you want to learn more about love languages. The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
This is showing love through spoken or written words. Giving someone a compliment or making a kind remark on their work can make them feel valued and appreciated.
If friends or family have important events in their life coming up you could send them a text letting them know you’re thinking of them.
If your partners love language is words of affirmation you could leave them a heartfelt note telling them how much they mean to you.
It can be a stranger too. You can give a compliment to someone on the bus or say something kind to someone in the coffee shop.
Acts of Service
Acts of service involves doing something helpful to show that you care. It’s about showing kindness and doing something to help others without being asked.
You could prepare dinner for your partner if you know they’ve had a stressful day or offer to pick them up from the train station.
Offer to help a friend or family member pack if they’re moving, offer help with childcare, help them study for an exam, or offering to bring food over if they’re going through a hard time.
You can help others in your community by doing acts of service too. You could join a local litter pick, offer to help an elderly person with their food shopping, or do some maintenance work on community spaces.
Receiving Gifts
These gifts don’t need to be expensive, just small tokens that show how much you care. You could keep an eye for things that remind you of them, and surprise them with a nice gift.
You could buy your partner their favourite sweets if you see them, buy them a ticket to see a new movie, make a handmade gift or or buy their favourite flowers.
For friends and family, you could bring them a souvenir from a recent trip, buy them a voucher so they can enjoy a nice meal or day out, or give them a themed gift of something you enjoy together.
Quality Time
Quality time means giving someone your full attention and being present and engaged when you spend time together.
For your partner, you could plan a date night, agree to turn your phones off and focus on having meaningful conversations. Try playing a fun couples quiz or board game together.
You could plan a walk with a friend to catch up and spend time one on one. You could offer to cook dinner for your family or play a fun game in the car together.
Physical Touch
Physical touch is a way of expressing love and connection through physical closeness. Research shows that touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that helps people feel close to each other and reduces stress.
You could connect by holding hands or cuddling with your partner or in friendships this could mean comforting them with a hug if they feel down. Be mindful of boundaries, not everyone likes physical touch.
Understanding and expressing love languages helps strengthen relationships. Whether you prefer physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or quality time – or a combination – what matters is showing care for yourself and others. If you want advice, information or advocacy, Meic is here to listen. We’re open everyday from 8am to midnight and you can contact us on the phone, text, Whatsapp message or online chat.
