Navigating the Complexities of Male Friendship
Have you ever noticed a certain dynamic in your friend group? It’s often subtle, but it can significantly impact how you feel about your friendships.
Think of it like a hierarchy. At the top, there’s the “alpha” – the dominant figure. He’s often the most confident, the most popular, and the one who seems to call the shots. Below him, there’s the “pack,” the loyal followers of the group who look up to him. And then, there’s you – the outsider.
Sound familiar? This blog is about the complexities of male friendship, fitting in, and feeling like you don’t really belong.
The feeling of being on the outside
It can be tough being on the outskirts of a friend group. You might feel like you’re always trying to catch up or like you’re never quite good enough. You’re being excluded from inside jokes, or that your opinions aren’t valued. You’re the one who gets picked on most or the theme of most of the jokes. Your ‘mates’ might call you a good sport however this can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and low self-esteem.
Why does this happen?
It’s a natural human tendency to form hierarchies. We often look to others for guidance and approval, and the most dominant personalities seem to be the ones who make those decisions.
Other people in the group play along with this hierarchy for fear of being excluded. This leads people to conform to social norms and expectations. They may follow along and not question the way things are, even if they feel uncomfortable with it.
Sometimes, misunderstandings and miscommunications can lead to social isolation which leaves you feeling like you’re on the outside and stepping on eggshells.
Breaking free from ‘the pack’ mentality
If you find yourself in this situation, try not to take it personally! Remember that these dynamics are often unconscious and not a reflection of your worth. Be kind to yourself and avoid self-blame.
Honesty and communication can be key. If you’re feeling excluded try to talk to your friends about your feelings.
Try to cast your net out and seek out authentic friendships. Focus on building genuine connections with people who value you for who you are. Join clubs, groups, or online communities where you can connect with like-minded people.
It’s normal for your group to change
As you get older, it’s normal to feel like you’ve ‘lost’ friends along the way. This happens to most people as we develop our own beliefs and values. Focus on the quality of your friendships over quantity. It’s better to have one friend that you can trust that you enjoy spending time with and can rely on, than ten ‘friends’ who you don’t feel as close to.
You don’t need to fit into a specific mould to be accepted. Be yourself, value your own worth, and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are.
