What to Do When Your Partner Comes Out as Transgender
Learning that your partner is transgender can be a whirlwind of emotions. It can bring up a mix of confusion, love, and uncertainty. So, what do you do now?
Create a Safe Space
Your partner has just shared something deeply personal and vulnerable. Now is the time to create a safe, judgment-free zone. Let them lead the conversation and give them the space to express their feelings and experiences without interruption. Let them know you are listening and that their feelings are valid.
Active Listening
Truly listen to what your partner is saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Pay attention to their body language and tone. Show empathy and understanding.
Learn About Transgender Identities
Educate yourself. Research transgender issues from reputable sources like Umbrella Cymru. This will help you understand your partner’s experience and avoid making assumptions or relying on stereotypes.
Respect Their Identity
Respect their chosen name and pronouns, even in private. If you slip up and use the wrong name or pronoun, correct yourself and move on.
Be Patient
Transitioning is a process, not an event. There will be ups and downs, for both of you. Be patient with your partner and yourself. Allow time for adjustment and understanding.
Respect Their Choices
Support their decisions regarding social and medical transition. Ask how you can best support them in these processes. This is their journey, and your role is to be a supportive and loving partner.
Be an Ally
Stand up for your partner against discrimination and prejudice. Be their advocate in spaces where they might feel vulnerable. This could mean correcting others who misgender them or challenging transphobic remarks.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
It’s okay to have your own feelings and questions. This is a significant adjustment for you too. Allow yourself time to process your emotions.
It’s also possible that your feelings of attraction may change. This is a normal and valid experience. Gender identity and sexual orientation are complex, and a partner’s transition can cause shifts in how you perceive them. Be honest with yourself about these feelings, and allow yourself space to process them.
It is okay, that if through this process, you both find that you are no longer compatible. If that happens, it is still very important to treat each other with respect, and empathy.
Seek Support
Consider seeking support, either individually or as a couple. Talking to someone professionally can provide a safe space to process your feelings and develop coping strategies. Support groups for partners of transgender people can also be incredibly helpful, offering a community of shared experiences and understanding.
Talk with Meic, the free information advice, and advocacy helpline in Wales. We offer confidential and anonymous support by phone, WhatsApp message, text, and online chat.
