Grab the Meic: A Bad Relationship With My Mum
Efa’s relationship with her mum is so bad she wants to run away, but she turned to Meic for advice first. Check out this week’s Grab the Meic.
Grab the Meic is your opportunity to ask us about anything that’s worrying you. We’re here to listen and give advice. If you want to #grabthemeic then check out this page, but remember this advice is not instant. If you need advice quickly then please contact the helpline.
This article is also available in Welsh – I ddarllen y cynnwys yma yn Gymraeg – clicia yma
Ever since my parents split up my mum has blamed me for everything that goes wrong in her life. Our relationship keeps getting worse and worse, I don’t know what to do. She always calls me names and she is making me feel extremely depressed. I have been tempted to run away and just live on the streets, because it would be easier than living with my mum. I often find myself yelling at the wall pretending my mum is there, saying things that I am too scared to say to her face. We argue quite a lot and I manage to calm myself down afterwards, but I am scared that one day I am going to end up walking out.
Efa (*name changed to protect their identity)
I’m so sorry that you’re having such an awful time. Your parents’ splitting up is difficult enough without the extra stress of relationship with your mum not being good.
I am in no way excusing your mum calling you names or blaming you for everything that goes wrong in her life, however, I imagine that the end of her relationship with your dad has caused her considerable stress and upset. This might explain, though not excuse, why she is behaving in this way. Perhaps she needs some support to help her get through such a difficult time.
Don’t run, work on it
You must be feeling particularly low to think that running away and living on the streets is a better alternative to living with your mum at the moment. Things obviously need to change for you, but running away is not the answer. Living on the streets is not safe. It would be bad for both your physical and mental health.
Working towards improving your relationship with your mum would be the best thing you could do. If you haven’t already, could you sit down with your mum when things are calm and tell her exactly how you’re feeling? If you don’t feel like you could do that alone, is there someone who could support you to do it? Maybe you could ask an auntie, your dad, a grandparent or a family friend.
Put your feelings on paper
Another thing you could consider doing is writing your mum a letter explaining everything you might want to say to her. It can be very difficult finding the words when you have to tell someone something difficult face to face. We can often get confused, upset and angry and forget to say some things, or not get the chance to say them. Sometimes you might say things that you wish you hadn’t. Writing it down in a letter means you can write as many drafts as you want. When you do eventually give her the letter it will say exactly what you want it to, in exactly the way you want it to sound. You could ask someone for help with this as well if you wanted.
It’s important to realise that you are not alone in this. Many people have difficulties in their relationship with their parents, for a number of reasons. It doesn’t mean they don’t love one another. If you and your mum put a bit of work into your relationship then it’s likely that things will improve for you.
Further information and help
Here’s some articles/pages that you might find helpful:
- Advice for Under 18’s If You Can’t Stay at Home
- Advice for Over 18’s If You Can’t Stay at Home
- Grab the Meic: Dad Gone After Parents Separated
- Grab the Meic: Mum and Dad Won’t Stop Arguing
- How To Cope With Stress
- Childline’s Family Problems information page
- Childline’s Running Away information page
Hopefully the above advice will help, but if you need to talk or get more advice then our advisers are happy to help. Please get in touch by calling, texting or DM’ing the helpline (contact details below). We’re open every day from 8am to midnight.
The Meic Team