Grab The Meic: I Feel Like a Girl and a Boy
Morgan is thinking about their gender identity and how other people may react to it. They contacted Grab The Meic for advice.
Grab the Meic is your opportunity to ask us about anything that’s worrying you. We’re here to listen and give advice. If you want to #grabthemeic, check out this page, but remember, this advice is not instant. If you need advice quickly, please get in touch with the helpline.
Hi Meic
Ever since I was 7 years old, I always felt different because I wanted to be both a boy and a girl. It was only when I turned 12 that I realised that people are pretty supportive, but I still feel worried that people won’t understand my decision. Do you have any advice?
Morgan*
(*name changed to protect their identity)
Meic’s advice
Hi Morgan, thanks for getting in touch!
When we’re born, people have to record whether we’re a boy, a girl or intersex. This is usually based on looking at our sexual organs. For some people, their gender identity matches their sex, but for others, their gender identity can be different.
Gender
Gender identity can be complex and deeply personal.
It sounds like you don’t feel comfortable with being in a box marked ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ because you feel connected to both. Some people who experience this dual identity identify as ‘bi-gender’.
There are lots of gender identities and labels used to help people understand their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, and find other people who may be in a similar position. Other gender identities include non-binary, gender-fluid and agender.
It’s normal to explore your gender identity
It’s not unusual for children and young people to wish they were neither sex nor the opposite sex at times in their lives. This can be for many different reasons; some of these may or may not be relevant to you:
- Liking toys, clothes or games usually associated with the opposite sex or both sexes
- Thinking that the opposite sex have things better or have more fun
- Wanting to wear clothes or act in the stereotypical way of the other gender
- Rejecting stereotypical things linked with your sex and finding more attachment to the other sex’s gender stereotypes
- Some children and young people who are gay might have internalised homophobia – that means they might have picked up negative attitudes towards gay people, which makes them feel ashamed. Thinking of themselves as the opposite sex might help them to feel like they’re not gay
- Some children and young people are uncomfortable with their sex emotionally and physically and feel uncomfortable with their bodies, particularly their genitals and breasts – this is called gender dysphoria. Some children experience this from a very young age and continue to want to be the opposite sex as they grow up – this is usually referred to as being transgender
As you can see from the above, gender can mean different things to different people. Being able to explore how and why you feel certain things can be helpful to understand who you are.
Tackling negative comments
You mentioned that you still feel worried that people won’t understand your decision.
If you’ve not chatted to anyone about how you feel, think about having a conversation with a close family member or teacher in school who you trust. With their help, you could plan who else you want to tell and when you want to tell them.
The team at Meic would also be really happy to help you work out what you would like to happen or want to say to the people in your life. You can contact us by ‘phone, WhatsApp messag, text message or online chat so we can have a live conversation about your worries.
As you mentioned, people are more accepting and supportive of people who are different or present differently to how they are expected to be. This is really positive as it means that people have more freedom to express themselves as individuals.
Further information
We hope that you find our response helpful. If you want to share more about what your identity or what’s worrying you, we can help you explore what things might help you to feel confident about sharing your identity with others.
You can get in touch with the helpline on any of the contact details below.
Take care for now.
The Meic Team
