Friendships Changing: Why That’s Normal and How to Handle It
Growing apart from people and friendships changing is a natural part of life, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
As you get older, there are many exciting changes, like new adventures and opportunities. But one common experience can feel tough: friendships changing and sometimes fading away.
Different plans and goals
As you get older, you and your friends often start heading in different directions. For example, after secondary school, some friends might go to university, and others might begin jobs or apprenticeships, or even take a gap year. You might find yourselves living in different cities, or even different countries.
People’s lives also get busy. Some friends might be deep into tough studies, while others work long or unpredictable hours, making it hard to make plans. Some might even be starting families or taking on big responsibilities at home. All these different experiences and schedules make finding time to connect hard. The casual, everyday hangouts you relied on at school or in clubs suddenly stop, and there’s less chance for spontaneous plans.
Putting in the effort
As you mature, maintaining friendships often takes more effort. This might mean planning meet-ups weeks in advance, travelling further, or scheduling video calls to keep in touch.
Social media can be an easy way to stay updated on what friends are doing. You can chat with people about what’s going on, and it might feel like you know a lot about their lives. However, relying only on social media isn’t enough to keep friendships strong. People often post only their best moments, so you might be missing other important parts of their lives. A thoughtful text, a suggestion to meet up, or a planned visit can make a big difference in staying connected.
Smaller social circles
It’s important to understand that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some friendships naturally drift apart. Accepting this can be really challenging and can hurt a lot. Social media can also be a constant reminder of people you no longer see regularly, and seeing groups of old friends together without you can be painful.
When a close friendship shifts or fades, it can genuinely feel like a form of grief. It’s okay to feel sadness, confusion, or even a bit of frustration that things have changed. These emotions are valid, and you’re not alone in feeling them.
Because of all these changes, you’ll likely notice that your social circle naturally gets smaller as you get older. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Often, it means you’re putting your time and energy into a closer group of people who truly love, accept, and support you for who you are. Remember, it’s also okay to have different friends for different things. For example, you might have a friend you rely on when things get hard, and others you go to for fun. As the saying goes, “people come into your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime.”
New connections
Sometimes, all these changes can make us feel like we’ve got no friends, and that feeling can be really tough. Remember that there are always ways to build new connections. You can make new friends online through shared interests or by joining groups or clubs in your community to meet new people. If you’re missing an old friend, you could also try reaching out to rekindle a friendship.
If anything mentioned in this blog makes you feel upset or worried, remember it’s okay to ask for help. You can reach out to the Meic helpline for free support and advice.
