Sexist ‘banter’ – Where do you draw the line?
You might feel pressure to make sexist comments to fit in with your friends. You might feel uncomfortable doing it but everyone says that it’s just a joke or banter, so it must be ok?
Speaking up is hard, especially with friends or people you know, but you can have a big impact on how people view gender equality.
The importance of speaking up
We can all take responsibility for speaking out against sexism, even if it’s presented as a ‘joke’ or ‘banter’. Sexist ideas, language, and behaviour can become normalized within a friendship group, workplace or online community and they can go unnoticed. When we ignore these remarks, it sends a message that they’re ok.
What is sexism?
If you’re unsure about what sexism means, this is the Council of Europe’s definition:
“Any act, gesture, visual representation, spoken or written words, practice, or behaviour based upon the idea that a person or a group of persons is inferior because of their sex, which occurs in the public or private sphere, whether online or offline.”
(Council of Europe, 2020)
Sexism exists in many different forms, including obvious discrimination, subtle biases and systemic inequalities, affecting how people are treated based on their gender in all aspects of life, such as education, the workplace and social interactions.
Everyday Sexism Project
People are becoming increasing aware of ‘Everyday Sexism’, a term coined by Laura Bates when she started the Everyday Sexism project in 2012. By today tens of thousands of people have submitted their experiences of Everyday Sexism, they’re available to read here.
Who it affects and how
Examples of sexism can include body shaming or sexualizing women and girls, mocking men for being ‘feminine’, and using derogatory terms towards gender-diverse people. All genders can experience sexism; however, young women, people of colour and women in politics or public roles are disproportionally targeted.
Creating change
You might feel uncomfortable with these comments but aren’t sure where to draw the line and challenge others on their behaviour, especially if the comments come from friends. Speaking up and confronting sexism contributes to a cultural shift where sexism is no longer tolerated.
Think of the people you follow online, would you feel comfortable hearing some comments in real life? Even if it’s a popular creator that you admire, this doesn’t mean that what they say is true or ok. What we hear and see online can influence how we act in our real lives. It’s ok to unfollow or take a break from some creators. You can try to diversify the people you interact with online, learning from different perspectives is a great way to help you create change.
You can challenge derogatory comments in several ways:
- Don’t laugh. This shows that you don’t think that the comment is a joke, which can make people rethink what they have said
- Ask questions. Make them think and explain what they have said, “What do you mean by that?” or “How was that funny? I don’t get it.”
- Directly express your disapproval. “I don’t think that’s acceptable.” By changing the conversation, you’re confronting sexism in your own social circle.
Helpful tools and campaigns
Here are some resources that may be helpful:
- HeForShe’s campaign #ChangeThePunchline challenges sexist humour with seven male comedians promoting inclusivity through humour.
- HeForShe Journal – intended to help you reflect on your ideas about gender equality and masculinities.
- “Imagine a CEO. Is it a man?” – these messages were part of CPB London’s ‘Imagine’ Campaign aiming to make people think about their biases in the workplace.
- The Everyday Sexism Project – a catalogue of submissions of people’s experiences of everyday sexism.
If you would like more information or advice you can contact Meic. We offer free and confidential information, advice and advocacy from 8am to midnight everyday.
