Toxic Masculinity and Challenging Gender Roles
We’ve all seen it: the classic rom-com where the guy sweeps the girl off her feet, asks her out, pays for dinner, and initiates the first kiss.
This cliché is a familiar narrative, but it’s one that often puts immense pressure on young men to conform to outdated gender roles. These expectations can lead to anxiety, insecurity, and even harmful behaviours and thinking.
What if we could redefine masculinity to focus on qualities like empathy, vulnerability, and respect, rather than traditional stereotypes? Let’s explore what it means to redefine what society expects of men.
The pressure to conform
Society often paints a picture of the “ideal man” as someone who is tall, muscular, financially successful, and emotionally detached. From a young age, boys are often taught that they need to be the pursuers, the initiators, and the providers. You’re expected to know how to “make a move,” to be confident and assertive.
The pressure to be successful, strong, and stoic can be overwhelming, especially for those who don’t naturally fit this mould. You might feel like you’re somehow less of a guy, not good enough or like something is wrong with you.
This has led to a huge increase in mental health issues among young men. As a young man, you may feel like you can’t express your emotions or seek help, which may lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. Unfortunately, this has resulted in a rise in suicide rates among young men.
Toxic masculinity
When faced with these expectations, lots of young people turn to the internet, social media, and porn for guidance. Some boys and young men get so caught up with this stereotype of being ‘a real man’, that it develops into toxic masculinity.
Toxic masculinity is when boys and men follow traditional gender roles very seriously. This narrow definition of masculinity can lead to harmful behaviours, such as aggression, violence, and substance abuse. Men who feel pressured to conform to these expectations may struggle to express their emotions, seek help, or form healthy relationships.
Male role models
Social media has become a powerful platform where young men can easily be influenced by the lifestyles of famous and wealthy individuals. Often, these influencers portray a lifestyle of luxury, success, and dominance, which can be appealing to young men seeking validation and acceptance.
However, by focusing on material possessions, physical appearance, and sexual conquests, these influencers promote harmful stereotypes and behaviours. Young men may feel pressured to conform to these expectations, and when they can’t meet them, it leads to unhealthy comparisons and low self-esteem.
It’s useful to look beyond fame and fortune and look at the morals of the men who you may look up to and follow on social media. Do you have male role models? What is it that you like about them?
Try to seek positive role models who can show you that it’s okay to be vulnerable, to express emotions, and to pursue your passions. These role models can help to break down harmful stereotypes and create a more inclusive and supportive environment to help you and your male friends thrive.
Learning from pornography
Porn often portrays a distorted and unrealistic view of sex, focusing on performance and power rather than emotional connection and mutual pleasure. It can lead to false expectations about sex, body image, and a decreased sense of intimacy.
Pornography often objectifies women, meaning that women are seen as objects for sex rather than people. This can contribute to harmful attitudes towards women and perpetuate a culture of sexual violence and aggression.
When you watch porn regularly, your brain can become desensitised to real-life sexual experiences. This can make it difficult to connect with a partner on an emotional level and can lead to dissatisfaction in your relationship. It can also lead to addiction.
Try to be mindful of the impact that porn can have on your mental health and relationships. Take breaks from porn, and explore other ways to learn about healthy sex and relationships.
Bragging culture
Another harmful aspect of traditional gender roles is the culture of bragging. Young men are often encouraged to boast about their sexual experiences, whether it’s kissing, sex, sexting, or sending nudes.
This toxic culture can lead to a sense of competition, where being intimate with someone is reduced to a game between mates. It can damage trust and respect within relationships, as partners may feel pressured to engage in activities they’re not comfortable with.
Beyond heterosexuality
Traditional gender roles often don’t apply to LGBTQ+ individuals in the same way that they do for heterosexual individuals. For example, in a society that suggests men have to make the first move, who makes the first move in a gay relationship? What about asexual men who don’t feel attraction to others but, to fit in, are expected to talk about sex and relationships with their mates?
LGBTQ+ individuals may face additional challenges in navigating relationships and expressing their sexuality. They often face stigma and discrimination, making it difficult to navigate relationships and express their sexuality openly. Many LGBTQ+ individuals feel pressure to conform to heteronormative expectations, which can lead to internalised homophobia and self-doubt. However, there are lots of ways to form relationships with and be intimate with others!
Try to create a society that is inclusive and supportive of all sexual orientations and gender identities. Remember, your friends may not have come to terms with their sexuality yet, so the things you say, do, or joke about in front of others can hurt them without you realising.
Redefining masculinity
There’s no one-size-fits-all definition of masculinity. Being a man is about so much more than being tough or having a lot of money.
Lots of people are challenging traditional gender roles and embracing a more equal approach to relationships. Here are some tips about how you can challenge gender roles:
- Educate yourself: Learn about gender roles, masculinity, and healthy relationships.
- Lead by example: Develop healthy, respectful relationships in your own life and be a role model for your friends.
- Challenge stereotypes: Question harmful stereotypes and challenge them when you see them, whether it’s in person or online.
- Support others: Encourage your friends and family to embrace more progressive views on gender and relationships, but try not to talk down on them for having different views or not getting it straight away.
By taking these steps, you can help create a more just and equal world for everyone. Hopefully this means that men aren’t expected to be the one’s that just know how to do everything.
