Being an Ally: How to Support Your Friend’s Sobriety Journey
Wanting to support your friend through sobriety shows that you are a good friend. Whether they’re taking a break from drinking or committing to a long-term lifestyle change, understanding how to be a good ally can make a significant difference. Here are some tips to help you support your friend, without coming across as preachy or judgemental.
Understanding the journey
Sobriety is a major life change that requires strength, courage, and unwavering support. It can be tough to adjust to a new lifestyle, and it’s natural for both you and your friend to experience challenges. Be patient, avoid judgment, and remember that everyone’s journey is different.
Organise non-alcoholic social activities
One of the best ways to support your friend is by suggesting fun, sober activities. Ditch the typical bar or club night and opt for something different. Think hiking, live music, board game nights, or even volunteering. By offering these sober-friendly alternatives, you’re helping them maintain a vibrant social life without the pressure to drink.
Remember, even activities that don’t revolve around alcohol, like bowling or the cinema, might have bars. If that’s the case, don’t make a big deal of going to get drinks, and encourage your friends to go alcohol-free.
Avoid pressuring or shaming
It’s so important to avoid pressuring your friend to drink or shaming them for their choices. Comments like, “Just one drink won’t hurt” or “You’re no fun when you’re sober” can be hurtful and undermine their efforts.
Even if you’re trying to be nice, don’t buy your friend an alcoholic drink if they don’t want one. Instead, see if they’re like a soft drink.
Avoid drinking games which encourage people to drink too much and create a culture of shaming if someone doesn’t want to get involved.
Don’t nominate them to be the designated driver
Just because your mate is sober doesn’t mean that they want to be the designated driver. Suggesting that they be the designated driver can make them feel different to those who are drinking alcohol. Don’t force your friend to take on this extra responsibility, especially around people who may have had one too many and be acting in a silly way. Instead, find a way for your friends to get home safely, like calling a taxi or taking public transport. However, if your friend offers, that’s okay – just make sure it’s their idea and not yours.
Be mindful of your own drinking habits
Just because your friend’s sober doesn’t mean you have to be, too. However, excessive drinking can make your friends feel uncomfortable, left out, or tempted to drink again. Consider taking a break from alcohol yourself when you’re with your friend as it’s a great way to show your support and enjoy quality time together. For example, if you’re at a party, choose to have a few non-alcoholic drinks or switch to water or soft drinks.
Celebrate milestones
Celebrate your friend’s milestones, no matter how small. Whether it’s a week, a month, or a year of sobriety, recognising their achievements can boost their motivation and self-esteem. A simple text message, a phone call, or a small gift can go a long way in showing your support. You could even plan a get-together to celebrate, like going out for coffee or desserts.
Educate yourself
If you’re unfamiliar with the challenges of being sober, take the time to educate yourself. Read books, watch documentaries or listen to podcasts about addiction and recovery. This knowledge can help you better understand your friend’s experiences and offer more meaningful support.
Organisations such as Alcohol Change UK and Drinkaware have websites full of resources to help you with information.
Offer emotional support
Sobriety can be an emotional rollercoaster. Your friend may experience a range of feelings, from excitement and hope to feeling stressed and sad. Be there to listen without judgment, and avoid minimising their struggles or offering unsolicited advice. Instead, simply listen and validate their feelings.
If you’re not sure what to say, you could turn to Meic. A friendly adviser can offer you and your sober friend information, advice and advocacy. You can get support by phone, WhatsApp message, text or online chat from 8 am to midnight every day. The support is confidential and anonymous and can be accessed in English and Welsh.
