How to Support a Friend who’s in Care
Supporting a friend who’s in care can feel tricky, but being a great friend means being there, whether they’re settling into a new home, facing challenges, or getting ready for what’s next.
Being a good friend
Being a good friend means being there for each other through thick and thin, and that’s especially true when your mate is in care. Young people in care face unique situations, from living with foster families to residential homes, and sometimes they even move around.
As you all grow up and get closer to adulthood, things can feel a bit different for friends in care. They might be thinking about their future, and that can bring up a lot of emotions. Here are some ways you can be an awesome friend and really show your support, no matter where they are in their care journey.
What does being “in care” mean?
Being in care means that, for various reasons, a young person is being looked after by the local authority. This means that they’re likely living with foster families or in residential homes.
It doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with them, or that they’re fundamentally different from anyone else. They’re still your friend, with the same hopes, dreams, and worries as you. They might have different experiences, but that just adds to who they are.
Be there through changes
One of the biggest challenges for young people in care can be moving. This could be moving between foster homes, to a different children’s home, or even to independent living as they get older. Each move can mean a new school, a new area, and having to make new friends all over again.
If your friend moves away, make an extra effort to stay in touch. Calls, texts, video chats, or planning visits, if possible, can mean the world. Moving is stressful for anyone. They might be feeling sad about leaving somewhere familiar, anxious about the new place, or just overwhelmed. Give them space if they need it, but let them know you’re still there.
If they’ve moved closer to you, offer to show them around the area, introduce them to new people, or help them get to know their new school.
Listen and let them talk
Your friend might have a lot on their mind, not just about moving, but about their experiences in care. They might worry about things like staying in touch with family, their education, mental health, or simply feeling different from their peers.
Create a safe space. Let them know they can talk to you without judgment. You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, just listening and letting them vent is the most helpful thing you can do.
You can also ask open-ended questions. “How are you feeling about things today?” or “what’s been on your mind?” can open the door for them to share more. But remember to respect their privacy. Your friend might not want to talk about everything, and that’s okay. Don’t pry or push them to share more than they’re comfortable with.
Offer practical support (but don’t take over)
Your friend might be dealing with a lot of practical stuff – meetings with social workers, thinking about college or job applications, or even learning everyday life skills like cooking or managing money.
You could offer to help in small ways, like studying for an exam together, going with them to an open day at a college or university, or helping them look for job opportunities. If you’re good at something they’re learning, like cooking a simple meal or budgeting, offer to share your tips.
Most importantly, remember it’s their journey. Your role is to support and cheer them on, not to take over or make decisions for them.
Be patient and flexible
Life in care can be unpredictable. Your friend’s plans might change suddenly and it can impact their day-to-day life. They might seem stressed, withdrawn, or a bit irritable sometimes. Be ready to adjust plans if something comes up for them – a little patience goes a long way.
The biggest thing you can offer is your continued friendship and reassurance. Remind them that even if their living situation changes, your friendship doesn’t have to. Make plans to stay in touch and check in regularly. Knowing they have a stable, reliable friend like you can make all the difference as they step into new chapters of their lives.
